Random Avengers Headcanon Vol. 5

[arukou]

I know for CAWS we’ve all basically decided that Peggy was in DC, but just consider that deleted scene from the Avengers where her address is listed in Manchester and how her funeral was in the UK, too, and reimagine a CAWS where Peggy was in the UK after all and then think about Steve flying to the UK once a month just to see her and flying straight back because he’s got to report for duty the next day and think about how he doesn’t get enough sleep those days and his eyes are dry and aching from the airplane and think about how being in the UK makes him sad for other reasons because it’s where he and the commandos took shore leave and think about him thinking about that dance in that pub that he and Peggy never had and then cry a lot.

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Days, weeks, really, like the past few are the kind that make me want to become a mountain hermit and never speak to another human being ever again.

But because I don’t just want to be whinging, let me share with you this headcanon which may or may not be inspired by autobiographical events.

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Tony gets panic attacks. Really bad ones. The first few times Steve saw them, he’s wasn’t quite sure what to do, and was kind of just shoved to the side as Pepper or Rhodey or Nat shoved in to count Tony through breathing. Steve tries the count, but he gets just as riled up as Tony, so it’s not exactly calming for either of them. Instead he tries a different angle. The next time Tony starts shaking and hyperventilating, Steve says “Tell me how the weight to fuel ratio affects rockets when they’re trying to leave the atmosphere.” Tony blinks at him, and then blinks again, and between shaking breaths he says, “The weight’s everything.” “Good. Tell me more.” “Too heavy. Can’t fly.” “So how do you keep from being too heavy.” “Cut down on weight.” At first it’s just short replies. One or two word sentences. But Steve is persistent. He asks the most innocuous questions; Tony’s too freaked to tease him. He just answers, hones that amazing brain and aims it until it’s completely focused on one subject. And not focused on anything else. And slowly he comes down and describes to Steve how scientists calculate payloads and fuel efficiency. The next time he has a panic attack, Steve asks about temperature balance in the jet boots. The time after that, how touch-screens sense skin and why do those little touch finger gloves work. The time after that, how JARVIS reads gestures and facial expressions. The time after that…

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Tony texting Steve: 🍆🍆🍆🍆👍😏

Steve: *stares at text for a minute* Hey Nat? Does this mean Tony wants eggplant Parmesan for dinner?

Nat: …Yes, Steve. That’s exactly what he wants.

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(In response to a request to send the Avengers to IKEA.)

I have a confession to make. I’ve never found IKEA instructions difficult. It always makes perfect sense to me how things are supposed to go together, but I know there are a lot of people out there who struggle with them and I’m pretty sure there a few fics and art pieces floating around where the Avengers argue over IKEA construction, but for me, I figure if I, a pretty average woman can figure those diagrams out, they’re probably nothing for Tony. I imagine he probably finds them pleasing because they’re a relatively mindless task for him where his hands are going but his brain can be thinking on other things.

I think the Tony probably takes the Avengers to IKEA for the experience of it, and I feel like Nat and Clint stand back and hide outside the path (they’re brave enough to stray from the path) and take video which they will later upload to Youtube and frighten the bejesus out of people while Tony and Bruce amble along and play tour guides. I think Steve and Thor would be delighted, Steve especially because of IKEAs incredibly utilitarian approach to things. I think they’d buy too much lingonberry jam and too many meatballs and Steve would come home with a plan to make the Avengers’ living space as organized as humanly possible. All the organizers. All of them.