AU Ask 18

Dec. 16th, 2017 05:51 pm
arukou: (Default)
 (From Reioka: Speaking of Florist/Tattoo Artist: Florist Tony moves into the vacant building next door and Steve takes over some cookies to greet him. Steve nearly face-plants when he sees a very beautiful Tony setting up a bouquet and blurts out "can I buy that?" to save face. Tony is flattered and tells him it's a hundred and fifteen dollars. All of the blood leaves Steve's face but Tony doesn't notice because he's putting the final touches on. "What the fuck" Bucky says when Steve lugs the flowers back.)

“What. Is that?”

Steve ignored Bucky and hauled the vase deeper into the shop, heaving it up with all his might and nearly pissing himself when the whole thing threatened to topple off the counter. It would’ve killed him if the damn thing broke now, after he’d hauled it all the way over with his own two skinny arms.

“Steve. What is that?”

“It’s a pack of PBR.” Steve groused, stepping back to stare at the massive bouquet. Even just seeing it again, only slightly worse for wear for being pressed against his face, made him grin like a dope.

“Why the hell would you bring this here? Why did you even buy this thing? Wait, have you got someone I don’t know about? Someone on the side? Stevie, we promised we’d share.”

“I don’t have someone on the side. I told you I was going to say hi to the new florist next door.”

“And he gave you half his shop?”

“I…I might’ve made an impulse buy.”

Bucky turned from the desk where he did the books, and raised one, very loud eyebrow at Steve. “How big of an impulse was this?”

“Uh…um, fifteen.”

“For that whole thing.” Bucky looked nonplussed.

“Fifteen. Plus a hundred.”

“A hundred and fifteen dollars, Stevie!”

“Shut it. I know.”

“A hundred and fifteen dollars for a bouquet that doesn’t even match the decor, Stevie?” Bucky gestured dramatically to the wrought iron gate at the front of the shop, the deep red walls and the diamond black-and-white floor tiles. “This is a tattoo parlor. What were you thinking?”

“You didn’t see the florist, Bucky.”

“Bullshit, you big softie.”

“I’m tellin’ you. Walk over there and say hi before you judge me.”

Bucky stood right up from his seat, and Steve had known him long enough to know he was going to do just that. “I’m going to go over there and say hi. Like you said. And when I get back, you’re gonna rub my feet for an hour because there’s no way whoever this is could be worth a hundred and fifteen dollars.”

“What do I get if I’m right?”

“You ain’t gonna be right,” Bucky tossed over his shoulder as he walked out the door.

“A blowjob then?” Steve could just see Bucky flipping him off.

Ten minutes later, the sound of the shop bell roused Steve from his sketchpad. He laughed so hard he nearly passed out when he saw Bucky carrying not one, but two massive bouquets. 

AU Ask 9

Dec. 16th, 2017 05:40 pm
arukou: (Default)
 (From Reioka:  Now for stuckony: Steve and Bucky are recovering from their service so Sam sets them up teaching a cooking class (and if Bucky gets overwhelmed he can focus on his dish). They actually enjoy it. It works for them, and they enjoy watching people learn to make new dishes. Enter Tony, our favorite walking disaster. Every single damn dish he tries to make is ruined somehow. Steve and Bucky think he's flirting. Tony is actually just an awful cook but hey he's dating two good cooks now so that's okay.)

This dovetails nicely with that last ask about Bucky and cooking. (Technically, my fic One Date Wonder could fit in with this too. Hmmm…) 

But just imagine. The cooking class starts out super easy. It was advertised for beginners, college kids, twenty-somethings who just never got around to learning how to cook. And then there’s Tony at the back who is thirty-coughs-into-his-hand-so-you-can’t-hear-the-rest. And they do start easy. Pancakes. Who can fuck up pancakes? Tony Stark apparently, if the black column of smoke coming from his griddle is any indication. They’re supposed to be paired up for the cooking class, but there’s an odd number and so Tony’s just working on his own, freaking out next to Bucky and Steve’s cooking station. And Bucky and Steve have military training, so of course they step in. Bucky’s got the fire extinguisher and Steve’s not doing too bad a job of comforting Tony. “You want to help us out? You can watch how we do it and maybe that’ll help you.” So Tony does, and he manages to make three only moderately blackened pancakes (”You’ve got the heat too high, you’ve got to turn it down”) and the night seems like an okay success.

Until next week when they try pesto. “Tony, there’s literally no heat on the sauce. You just blend it. How did you manage to burn the basil.” “Aren’t you supposed to cook it first? To make it safe?” “Oh my god, you helpless adorable man.” Tony squeaks and Steve claps a hand to his mouth. “I’m so sorry. That was totally inappropriate.” And Bucky is just standing back watching and shaking his head because his boyfriend is freaking hopeless. Later on, Steve apologizes and Bucky just shakes his head some more. “No. He is adorable. But he might not be up for poly, so maybe just back down a little.”

The week after that is homemade pizza (”Not as difficult as you think!” proclaims the teacher, and Tony whimpers.) Within ten minutes, Tony’s pizza dough has somehow expanded and is in the process of swallowing his entire work table. “What do we do?” Steve whispers, horrified. “Um, run? That thing looks like it might be sentient.” The teacher comes over and somehow manages to wrangle Tony’s dough away, but by that time it’s too late, so he forlornly ends up at Steve and Bucky’s table again, watching as they punch down their dough and sauce it. Later that night, Bucky says, “No one can possibly be this bad at cooking. It’s gotta be…like an act, right? He must be faking it. Do you think he’s flirting with us?” “Well, he did blush very prettily when I called him adorable.”

So the week after that, when Tony manages to crack shells from ever egg straight into his omelet, Bucky puts him out of his misery and says, “Do you want to go out to dinner with us after this? Since you can’t eat your omelet. And since you’re cute.”

It’s only after they’ve moved in together several months later that Tony’s terrible cooking wasn’t a haphazard flirting method. He really was just that bad at cooking.    

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